wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
