i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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