Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
