Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
