Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
