I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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