The maid of honor just puked.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
