Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize