Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize