did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
