She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
