We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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