wakey wakey hands off snakey
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
