I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Randomize
