bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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