I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
