I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
