I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Randomize
