Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize