it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
she smelled like a LAN party
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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