I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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