were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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