i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
