eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Randomize
