Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
