Is it because I queefed?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
