You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
