we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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