just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Vodka?
Forever.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
