I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
