bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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