grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
