dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
