He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
