And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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