my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize