Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
