My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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