You're completely useless in the revolution.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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