Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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