Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
