it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
