Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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