why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
