He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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