Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
