When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
