ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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