I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
God, I missed his penis.
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