Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Randomize
