Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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