i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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