i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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