God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
