He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
