My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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