Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
