So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
