i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
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