FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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