yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
