Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
