I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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