i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
