I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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