I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
